Lol! People Make Fun Of Okorocha’s Zuma Statue Using Bible English

We haven’t heard the last of Jacob Zuma’s statue from Nigerian social media, as everyday people are making new jokes about it. The latest is a parody about the whole thing. Read it below:

Written by Adakole Emmanuel J.
Culled from Egbuhuzo Elijah-Praise Chika’s wall

ROCHAS chapter 6 vs 1-21

1. And it came to pass that a certain Governor from the East by the name Rochas the son of Okorocha who ruleth over the province of Imo, sent a messenger to the kingdom of the Southern country of Africa.

2. And he said to the messenger, in this manner shall ye speak to the king, “long live the king! thou art highly favored in the the eyes of my Governor, even among the people of the province of Imo, therefore come this day to meet in my kingdom that though mayest be honored”

3. And the messenger did according to the words of the Governor.

4. And it came to pass that the king of the Southern country of Africa by the name, Jacob the son of Zuma, entered into the province of Imo, even into the city of Owerri, the dwelling place of the Governor.

5. And Rochas the son of Okorocha made a great feast and prepared a banquet before the son of Zuma that night. And he called all the noble men of the province to meet in his Palace, even in the court of the governor, they made merry.

6. The Governor hath also hired men of craft that they made a giant graven image of Jacob, the son of Zuma. And the height of the image thereof was ten cubit and two span , and the weight thereof was equals two thousand measure of brass. And the garment thereof was that of the noble men of the West.

7. And he placed the graven image at the centre of the city of Owerri. And unto Zuma, the king of the Southern country of Africa, was a title given which was higher above any other in the province of Imo. Also, the Governor nameth a street of the city after him. This was the manner with which king Zuma was honored.

8. All these things happened on the tenth month of the sixth year that Rochas the son of Okorocha reigned as Governor over the province of Imo.

9. But it came to pass that when it was told the people that the Governor hath spent five hundred and thirty million shekels of gold and silver for the graven image of Jacob, the son of Zuma that they were wrought with anger.

10. And it grieved the laborers of the province and they took counsel among one another and saith, but how shall this thing be? Is Jacob the son of Zuma also among the righteous men?

11. Howbeit that the son of Zuma was honored in this manner in the province of Imo? Is not he the same king that dealeth dishonorably in the manner that he spent the gold and silver from the treasury of his country? Is not he that the magistrate put a charge against for taking bribes?

12. Is not it under the reigns of this king that his people persecute our brethren who dwelleth in their country and even put many to death and rendered their businesses desolate?

13. Howbeit the Governor treat us with great disdain? For we laboureth for over ninety days without wages and he said unto us “be thou of long suffering for there is no gold and silver in the treasury that I may pay thee thy wages”. And yet he spent millions of shekels to honor the son of Zuma.

14. And the head of the laborers declared according to this words unto the people saying, “arise this day and gird thy loins for we shall march across the city of Owerri, even unto the gate of the Governor.

15. And they march across the city and declared according to this words unto the Governor, “thou dealeth treacherously with us in the manner thou sayeth ‘there is no gold and silver in the treasury that I may pay thee thy wages’. Wherefore thou honoureth the son of Zuma with so much riches from the treasury?

16. This thing shall ye do, oh Governor: remove the graven image of Jacob the son of Zuma from the city that there might be peace in the land”.

17. And the Governor replied them in this manner. “Harken unto my voice oh ye inhabitants of the land. I shall not be careful in the manner with which I answereth thee on this matter.

19. Go back to thy tents, for I, even the son of Okorocha hath repenteth not that I made a graven image of Jacob the son of Zuma. For many more of this statues shall ye see in the city of Owerri in the days ahead”.

20. And the people lamented and said “woe unto us! behold, the evil spirit from devil hath entered into the Governor. And yet many saith, verily verily, the Governor is afflicted with insanity.

21. But the Governor doeth not according to the words of the laborers, for unto this day, the statue of Jacob the son of Zuma remaineth in city of Owerri

Young Igbo Nigerian Presidential Hopeful Attacks Ironsi,  Ojukwu 

An Igbo Nigerian presidential hopeful, Chris Emejuru has attacked 2 of his kinsmen who were leaders of Nigeria in the 1960s. The two leaders attacked are General Agunyi Ironsi, and Colonel Odumegwu Ojukwu, both of whom successfully fought the January 1966 coup which was organised by elements that said they wanted to put Obafemi Awolowo -who was then in prison after being convicted of plotting Nigeria’s first coup in 1962- in power.

In a statement at the weekend which is circulating all over social media, Emejuru who recently declared his intention to contest the Presidency in 2019 -when the great President Buhari should be contesting for second term- said.

“Since the beginning of self-rule in 1960, major events have shaped our landscape politically, economically, and socially. From the assassination of Prime Minister Tafawa Bawela, to the coup attempt by General Ironsi, this led to a federal system with no viability, as ‘regionalism’ was relegated to something unimportant at the time. 

Mr Emejuru, General Ironsi never organised a coup in his entire life. If Ironsi were alive today,  he would sue you for making such statement. Ironsi rather,  crushed the coup that killed the great Prime Minister Tafawa Balewa. Be corrected.

Mr Emejuru went on in his statement to attack the former military governor of the Eastern Region, Colonel Odumegwu Ojukwu. Ojukwu was a man who like Ironsi, crushed the coup that killed Tafawa Balewa, before eventually leading the Eastern Region to declare Biafran independence after tens of thousands of them were killed for a coup whose plotters stated that their aim was to install Awolowo in power.

Emejuru said,

“During these major transitions, sentiments were brewing, especially concerning divisions between the North and South. These implications would reach a boiling point. This boiling point eventually led to the civil war. To avoid this, concessions were made, but the influence of one charismatic leader, Ojukwu was undeterred.

“Propoganda was relentless giving the South courage to secede from the Union, but ultimately, the plot failed, and this so called leader of the Biafra War retreated with all his luxuries. 

Emejuru said that Ojukwu retreated with all his luxuries ? Well, maybe Emejuru means all Ojukwu’s father’s wealth, because around that time, Ojukwu’so father Louis Ojulwu, was so rich he was widely believed to be the the richest Nigerian. But there is no record of Ojukwu retreating with all his father’s luxuries,  which are rumored to include the Nigerian Railway  Corporation. In fact, the Nigerian Government later returned a lot of Ojukwu’s father’s assets to the Ojukwu family, many years after the Civil War, so, Emejuru needs to tell us which luxuries he was talking about in his infamous statement.

If Emejuru was insinuating that Ojukwu left with Biafra’s gold bullion he needs to explain how,  because Ojukwu led a shortlived nation which fought a brutal civil war in which it can be imagined there really was no time for luxuries and no luxuries to loot.

But even beyond that, Emejuru perhaps doesn’t know that Odumegwu Ojukwu’s contributions to Nigeria are so sterling that when he died he was given a state funeral by the Nigerian State. Even our current President,  Muhammadu Buhari holds Ojukwu in so much esteem that he once invited Ojukwu to his house in Daura, where they spent days discussing the state of Nigeria. 

Mr Emejuru, you goofed big time. Is this how you want to rule us?  With all these lies? Yes, we have issues with President Buhari over his refusal to promote commercial cattle ranchin up till now, but not withstanding, he still has our vote in 2019 (unless we need to withdraw it). Mr Emejuru, there is no vacancy in Aso Rock.

You are forgiven for casting aspersions on two Igbo leaders that fought those who killed Balewa to a standstill. Please apologise to Ironsi and Ojukwu for dragging their names in the mud. To help your candidacy,  you should read more, speak less and perhaps get a new publicist. But centeris paribus, we will still vote Buhari in 2019.

Orji Kalu Speaks On Igbo Presidency

Other tribes have produced a president, so it is the turn of the Igbo too. Obasanjo was elected president in 1999 despite the fact that the Yoruba did not vote for him. He lost in his ward; I was there on the Election Day. So, any Igbo man that is widely accepted can be president of Nigeria. How did Obasanjo and Buhari become president? Are they better than any Igbo man? The answer is no! The issue is that if they know how they made Obasanjo, Yar’Adua, Jonathan and Buhari president, they should also make an Igbo man president so that there can be complete unity and we would forget about the civil war because not making an Igbo president will still remind our people that the marginalisation which started after the civil war has not ended.

Igbos Have A Sound Reason To Remain In Nigeria 

Biafra of the mind versus Biafra secession. Igbos control a market of 180 million people that would rise to 300 million by 2050-what  many developed economies wish they had, and some people just want us to throw it all away.

Give Nigeria another chance!

Hurray! Nigeria Is 57 Today!

Happy Independence Day, Nigeria!  Many Happy Returns!

Shout out to our founding fathers, Nnamdi Azikiwe, Herbert Olayinka Macaulay,  Obafemi Awolowo, Abubakar Tafawa Balewa,  Ahmadu Bello, Mike Okpara, Ladoke Akintola, veterans of our own Zikist Movement, Aba Women of 1929, and many others!

Congrats President Buhari and every other Nigerian citizen. We shall get there if we try!