1. Let your wife buy land and encourage her to build on it: Many family discourage wives from buying land and building houses: But understand this: The number one thing a woman seeks in life is security for herself and her offspring.
There is no greater security than owning your own house(es). That means you have a spot of this earth which you can call hour own.
Now, you may say that you as a husband have your own house that you built for your family. But if (God Forbid) something should happen to tomorrow, would your family allow your wife and kids to keep the house? This question is more pertinent if the children are still young. You know our society.
I know a very rich man who helped all his siblings. But one day, he died in an accident. The first thing the dead man’s brother did was…
to badge into his bedroom and seize the papers to his landed properties. He didn’t mind whether his late brother’s wife and kids needed the house(s) for accommodation, education, e.t.c.
Of course if the young rich man had written a will in favour of his wife and kids, things would have been different. But how many young men like to write wills when we all expect to live to a ripe old age? And, there is also the fear that writting the will may make a greedy wife do what she isn’t supposed to do.
Well, back to our topic – another woman and her kids were thrown out of her matrimonial home by her late husband’s parents and had to squat in the open for ages before an NGO helped her out. Think of the cold, the mosquitoes, the possible insecurity and obvious absence of privacy, all because she didn’t have a house of her own.
So, one alternative is to allow your wife buy land and build her own house. If she doesn’t have the money but you do, why not assist her buy land in her own name and then encourage her to develop it?
A woman bought a plot of land and her mother-in-law tried to discourage her. But her husband saw things differently. When he died she had 2 plots developed with buildings.
It transpired that the husband didn’t show her the papers of registration of his many many properties, probably because he didn’t expect to die early. But the woman’s properties she bought in her own name became a saving grace for the family.
In another family, a woman heeded the advice of her mother-in-law not to buy land. The result was many years of unnecessary hardship for she and the kids after her husband died.
2. Quietly walk away if your wife provokes you: Women have sharp tongue. They might not be strong physically, but their tongue can provoke and hurt. So, if you find your wife tongue-lashing you, quietly leave the scene. If you stay, you might be tempted to react violently.
The result might not be palatable because you might use your man-power to do something to that your beautiful wife that you’ll both be regretting for years.
I once heard a story of a couple arguing. The wife referred to the husband’s past in a way he didn’t like. He forgot she was pregnant and hit her. She had a miscarriage as result of the hit.
This created a painful and visible psychological barrier between both of them that lasted for years. That is equal to having an unhappy marriage, and this life is too short to have an unhappy marriage for years. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured.
I am sure the wife regrets what she said to her husband, and the husband regrets hitting her. If only he had quietly walked away on that fateful day.
Or, would you like your wife/neighbours/in-laws to report you to the police for assault and battery? How would that help harmony in the marriage? That is why it is often wise to just quietly walk away.
When you walk away, it gives you both time to think and time to calm down. By the time you return, the storm is probably over because both of you won’t want to start behaving like kids.
Note: I did not say drive away, because it isn’t always advisable to drive while angry. That means drive away only if you can handle driving whilst upset.
If you as a husband adopt these two policies, you can avoid a lot of banana peels. And your wife and kids would be covered by a kind of insurance policy in case you are no longer there (God forbid bad thing).